Common Myths about the Collaborative Process
MYTH: Collaborative divorce is only for couples who agree on everything.
REALITY: Couples who use the collaborative process have marital disputes and disagreements just like every other divorcing couple. You and your spouse will work with a team of professionals during the process to find workable solutions to those problems. The only requirement is that you and your spouse be honest, trusting, and willing to negotiate in good faith to find solutions that work for your family.
The divorce process is emotional and difficult, and even the collaborative process will be challenging for many divorcing families. In traditional divorce, parties and their respective attorneys are constantly opposed and act without regard to the other party’s emotions, goals or concerns. In collaborative divorce, you and your spouse identify your goals and concerns immediately, and all team members problem-solve to help you both reach these goals and eliminate these concerns. When emotions are high, mental health professionals work with the team members to push past emotional barriers and continue to problem solve.
MYTH: If I go to court and the judge hears my story, I’ll get a better result.
REALITY: Oftentimes people believe that a trial will allow them “to be heard” and that a judge will take their side. Unfortunately, you will spend minimal time in front of the judge, who will have to make a snap decision about your family on limited information. The outcome is unpredictable and sometimes unsatisfactory. The judge is also limited by the law as to certain decisions he or she can make, which means you may feel that the ruling falls short of addressing the real needs of you and your children. Even under the best of circumstances, when litigation results are reasonable, both spouses have paid a heavy price, both financially and emotionally.
MYTH: My attorney doesn’t have be trained in Collaborative Divorce.
REALITY: When a professional is involved who doesn’t understand the process, the process is not successful. Collaborative divorce is a complete and difficult change in perspective for most lawyers. In traditional litigation, a lawyer is always focused on the possible outcome of your case at trial, oftentimes dismissing your goals or concerns because they are outside the realm of possible outcomes from a judge. In collaborative divorce, the possibility of trial is removed and instead lawyers use negotiation and creative problem-solving skills to reach your goals and address your concerns.
MYTH: I can’t obtain full financial disclosure from my spouse in a collaborative case.
REALITY: In ALL divorces, the parties must have complete financial disclosure. In a collaborative divorce, the parties are assisted by professionals to help them locate and value assets, and to consider tax consequences. If a party is requested to produce particular records, those records will be provided. Thanks to the modern age of electronic information, a competent financial professional can trace any assets to its source. If a person is paid in cash only, this may be more difficult, but it is no more difficult than the process that would occur in a litigated divorce.
MYTH: Collaborative divorce is more expensive.
REALITY: Like traditional divorce, all professionals are compensated for their services. However, the amount of professional time and costs involved in a litigated case typically are far greater than they are in a collaborative divorce.
In traditional litigation, attorneys prepare the case as if it’s going to trial. There may be hearings, which means paying for hours of preparation and then more hours for court. If your spouse or their attorney doesn’t play fair, you will pay more money to obtain documents or resolve even easy disputes. This means more time and more money. There may be competing experts in a litigated case, which increases time and costs associated with the proceeding. Traditional divorce cases may take months or even years to resolve.
In collaborative divorce, all team members approach the case with honesty, transparency and the common goal of resolving your divorce as quickly and amicably as possible. Yes, all professionals involved in your collaborative divorce are compensated for their services, however, their services are targeted and tailored for your family. Team members work together, instead of in opposition. The team has a goal of completing your case in 90 days. The entire process is shorter, and costs are typically less than in a litigated divorce proceeding.